One scary step at a time

It’s always scary following ones dreams, but one must persevere.

I have the word ‘write’ as a wallpaper on my computer. But every time I see it I lose more faith in myself. I’m supposed to be following my dreams. I’m supposed to be writing a little bit every day, but when you’ve been rejected by publishers and agents alike, you tend to lose a little bit of hope. As I said it’s scary. But my hero was rejected by twelve different publishers, and I’m sure those publishers are kicking themselves now, because Harry Potter is one of the most successful franchises.

I’m not J.K. Rowling though.

I might be 24 with my whole life ahead of me but I always feel that I’m just not good enough to do anything decent with my life. And I know that the people who love me would kick me to see these words but hey… feelings and emotions are a bitch.

Being rejected sucks.

I haven’t actually written anything since my 5th rejection. I just haven’t felt like it. The drive disappeared. I used to write everywhere. At home, on the bus (tricky but still doable), I even wrote while I was at work (even though I technically wasn’t allowed to).

I know I’m not the best. I can improve on so many things when it comes to writing, but I get so happy when I get anyone to read my stuff and give me feedback. It gives me such joy.

Lately I’ve wanted to get back to it. I read so many good books and I get so jealous that these people, these authors got their big break. I used to work so hard. I finished my first book and then rewrote it five times. I want to rewrite it again but no amount of rewriting is going to get it perfect. So I started a few other projects. And then I stopped. I feel like that needy girlfriend who as to have validation all the time. I need someone to tell me that I’m too good to quit, that I have potential and I just need to keep working. And that I suppose is what makes me a terrible writer. I’m that girl who needs to be told she’s pretty by multiple people and I’d still never believe it. We all know someone like that.

I just need a reason to carry on with this path, but I suppose I may have given myself the reason.

It is a dream and one should persevere no matter how hard or scary.

Dream big or go home.

Let’s see if I can follow my own skewed ‘advice’.

This post is a bit back and forth and for that I apologise. I suppose I just needed to get it off my chest.

Maybe now I can carry on.


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One thought on "One scary step at a time"

  1. commented on December 16, 2016 by DAD

    Listen Snodgrass, I think you may know someone who has been rejected far more than you……Did he just sit in a corner and give up? like hell he did. The big break is just round the corner, Only problem is, you never know which corner…….FOLLOW THAT DREAM….