So… I have started writing a few books. Memory is one of them.
Here is the prologue. The thing about losing a loved one is that the grief never fully disappears. Sometimes everything feels okay and then suddenly, out of nowhere, it catches up to you. Especially when you let your guard down. It creeps up and knocks the wind out of you, leaving you gasping for air.
The guilt is the worst of it though. The guilt eats you up inside. You keep thinking that maybe you should have spent more time with them, you should have shown them more respect, maybe you shouldn’t have called them crazy. The list carries on. It drives you mental. You keep searching for ways to make yourself feel better but nothing helps. Maybe that’s why it hurts so much. It’ll choke you, you won’t be able to breathe, your vision will blur, your heart will pound in your ears. And then just when you start to feel overwhelmed… you feel nothing. You go numb. You’re dead inside. You try to hold on to any feeling however fleeting, just to feel something.
And then you feel a flicker of hope. You start feeling good again. You start to smile and you actually mean it.
And then you slip, you let something trigger the memories and you let your guard down… And it starts all over again.
The pain is unbearable and it brings you to tears every time. Every. Single. Time.